


Battle Wounds

by respoftw



Series: The Adventures of Ace Dameron [21]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Kid Fic, M/M, Scars, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 10:32:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6562849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn struggles to accept the scars he's left with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Battle Wounds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mihomi98](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mihomi98/gifts).



> This is for mihomi98 who left me a comment this morning asking for some more angst. Happy to oblige!

"Daddy, what's this mark on your back?"

Finn froze in place as Ace continued to use him as a jungle gym, sticky hands having pushed the hem of his shirt high enough to expose the gnarled pink root of the scar that marred the entire length of his back. Only the thought of dismantling Ace and getting him hurt is keeping Finn from ripping the hem of his shirt back in place to cover the mark up.

To hide.

 _To_ _forget_.

"It looks sore, Daddy. Is it sore?"

Ace's wide brown eyes look up at him with such innocent concern that Finn could almost feel his heart swell in size. Or, at least, it would if his heart weren't rabbiting so fast in a crazy combination of fear, self-loathing and the frantic need to cover up that he could barely breathe.

"Hey, buddy!" Poe calls out to Ace and as the weight of attention lifts off him, Finn feels like he can breathe again. "You wanna go and grab your coveralls and come and help me work on Black One?"

Ace squeals in excitement at the offer, disengaging from Finn and scampering off to his bedroom to change before Poe could change his mind, with barely a look back at his Papa. He hardly ever gets allowed to help with the important job of looking after his Daddy's X-Wing and the offer would be enough to get him to leave a pile of honey cakes uneaten so his curiosity about Finn's scar stands no chance.

Finn should be grateful.

He knows that Poe's saved him from a situation he didn't want to be in, a conversation he didn't want to have, but it's just another reminder that - even months after losing to Kylo Ren and falling into the blackness of the snowy ground - Finn still needs to be rescued.

With a tight attempt at a smile, Finn retreats to his room, Poe's soft eyes watching him leave and an excited Ace yelling goodbye to him.

* * *

_Poe likes to kiss his way up the length of Finn's back, his lips and tongue tracing patterns of galaxies and nebulas into his skin.  
_

_It's something that it took a long time for Finn to allow. Hell, it had been a long time before Finn would even let Poe see the mess that was left on his back, but every kiss, every touch, it feels like a reclamation._

_With each press of lips, each swipe of tongue, the twisted root of scar tissue that marred Finn's back became something precious, something more than just a reminder that he wasn't good enough._

_It's easy, in those moments, to accept and live with his scars._

_It's just the rest of the time he's having trouble with._

* * *

"Babe?" Poe's soft kiss against his forehead wakes Finn up. "You wanna talk about what happened with Asa today?"

Finn huffs as he burrows deeper into the covers, an exhale of breath that perfectly expresses just how much he _doesn't_ want to have this discussion.

"Yeah, I have a six year old, that's not gonna work," Poe said.

Finn can feel him standing there, hovering over the bed, and he knows he's being childish but - -

"You're not being childish," Poe's words intrude on his thoughts, "or ridiculous, or wallowing in self pity or whatever the kriff else that you're thinking."

Finn peeks out of the warm, comfy bedroll he's surrounded himself in and Poe gazes down at him.

"No, Finn, I'm not reading your mind. I just know how you get about this and I'm here to say, for the millionth time, that it's OK to feel however the frell you want to feel." Poe sighs as he sits heavily on the bed and Finn lets his hand emerge from the covers just enough to brush his fingers against Poe's, eliciting enough of a smile to show the small gap in between Poe's teeth. "And I'll say it a million more times," he continues, "you know I will."

Finn used his tenuous grip on Poe's fingers to pull him under the covers, feeling the corners of his mouth twitch in amusement as Poe lets him.

Once they're both snug and secure and he can feel the sweet warmth of Poe's breath on his skin, the smell of sugar and spice betraying the fact that Poe had let Ace talk him into eating some honey cakes during their afternoon of repair work, Finn takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

Poe waits.

"What if..what if Ace sees my back and it frightens him?"

 _What if he thinks I'm not good enough to be his Daddy anymore?_ That's what Finn is really afraid of. He still can't move as flexibly as he used to, the scar tissue stretching painfully if he twists the wrong way, and Finn knows that if he were still a Stormtrooper, if he were still FN-2187, he would be discarded. Not good enough to serve, not good enough to waste resources on, not good enough to live.

Poe knows exactly what Finn's afraid of, he can read Finn like a book. It's common knowledge amongst the residents of D'Qar that Finn has the worst poker face on the entire base. Poe guesses it's because Finn spent so much of his life with his face hidden away, he never really learned how to keep his feelings from being read in every twitch, every pore. Everything else about him; the way he holds himself, his voice, his words; none of it betrays him. Nothing except his face.

Poe also knows that Finn's not ready to have that conversation so he concentrates on the one fear that he did voice.

Raising his eyebrow, Poe answers lightly. "Our kid? Frightened? Have you met Asa? He's scared of nothing."

Finn's answering snort of disbelief makes him smile. "Right. Scared of nothing. Except Threepio, butterflies, the colour yellow and the supervisor droid from level 7."

"Hey," Finn laughs loudly as he mock punches at Finn's arm, "that droid is creepy."

"Well, OK, the droid from level 7 is creepy but - "

"No buts!" Poe interrupts, trying shush Finn which only causes him to laugh harder.

"Papa, Daddy! No fair! You're having fun without me!" Ace's outraged voice is the only warning Finn gets before sharp elbows and even sharper knees land on top of him and demand to join in on the bed burrito.

Fin scoots over and smiles as Ace wriggles his way in between him and Poe and starts to ramble about how much fun he had helping his Papa with repairs today.

"Hey, peanut?" Finn interrupts an epic retelling of how Ace had handed his Papa the right socket wrench on only the _fourth_ try.

"Yeah, Daddy?"

"You know that mark you saw on my back today?"

"Uh - huh. It looked strange. What is it?"

"It's from where I got hurt, remember when I was in hospital?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, the doctors fixed me up but it's left a scar."

"Can I see it?"

Poe starts to move, like he's going to stop Ace from talking but Finn shakes his head. He's got this. Finn sits up and holds himself stiffly as Ace trails his sticky (honey cakes, Finn knew it) fingers over the raised skin, trying not to flinch.

"Is it sore?" Ace whispers.

"Not really."

"Oh well, that's OK then!" Ace cries happily. "I was worried that I was hurting you when I was climbing on you but I didn't! Can we have ice cream for dinner?"

Poe laughs, long and loud, much to Ace's bewilderment and Finn's annoyance.

As they finally untangle themselves from their blanket fort a half hour later, Poe grins at him and whispers. "See, told you! Asa is made of sterner stuff than you thought."

Finn glares. "Butterflies, Poe," he deadpans. "Pretty, colourful, harmless, butterflies."

* * *

_Ace likes to draw pictures across the skin of Finn's back, tracing patterns of flowers and spaceships into his skin.  
_

_It's something that it took a long time for Finn to allow, a long time for him to really accept that the scars didn't change how Ace felt about him._

_With each line of art, each coloured marker (never yellow), the twisted root of scar tissue that marred Finn's back became something precious, something more than just a reminder that he wasn't good enough._

_  
It gets easier, every day, to accept and live with his scars._

**Author's Note:**

> Well, after languishing as a WIP for weeks because it felt too angsty, this ended up way fluffier than I intended!
> 
>  
> 
> As ever, if anyone has any ideas for things they'd like to see in this series - please let me know either in the comments or message me on [tumblr](http://buffycuddlespigs.tumblr.com/ask) Or just come and yak to me about anything!


End file.
